HateJunky

This morning I woke up with an intention: to play the SNES games on my Nintendo DS. Since my favorite gaming website was down I had to busy myself with second-rate acts, like this dude who runs CPUJunky.com and, for no reason other than the fact that he can, has a page on his site dedicated to things he hates.

At first I wasn't really interested in reading his diatribes, I mean-- this is a website dedicated to gaming and ROMs, why do I care what gets this guy's blood boiling? Just gimme Secret of Mana and no one gets hurt!

But I was intrigued... So I scrolled down and noticed some very peculiar comments in the category titled "Types of People I Hate."

Before I get to the punchline, let me start off with some random quotes from the page.

• People who take their dogs everywhere and treat them as people: I just can't stand these people. I look at them and think, are you retarded? I understand that people can grow very close to their pets, but how far are you going to take that? I mean when you dress your dog up in clothes and take it with you everywhere you go, isn't that a bit far?


• People who use the online term "LOL": LOL means "laughing out loud." For some reason when I see someone type it, I just think of queers dancing in a circle.


• People who use the online term Newbie: What was originally used to describe a new computer user has lost all meaning. ... I get so tired of playing a game online and listening to people bitch and throw words back and forth. It isn't a fucking chat line people.

Now, there's something to be said about lists and ordering. I'd have to assume that the rants at the top of the page are more outrageous to our CPUJunky than those at the bottom.

That said, here are the top three categories of People CPUJunky Hates:


Number One

• People who drive below the speed limit: Hello? Its fucking 55mph not 35mph. My life doesn't get put on hold because your slow.

Well, it's just a good thing he doesn't hate people who can't grasp basic grammar. Amirite?

Number Two

• People who are hypocritical: No one likes a hypocrite for obvious reasons. Its like they put you on a lower pedestal than them because they can do things you shouldn't.

Even though I don't understand half of what you just said... Yeah, okay, I can hang with that. I mean, everyone contradicts themselves from time to time, right? But it is annoying, nonetheless.

But what's this? Directly below his hatred for hypocrites...



Number Three

• People who are condescending: "There is a better way to make your web page, let me show you the right way." If you have a suggestion, suggest it don't force it. If you have an opinion, state it with reason.

Are you for real, CPUJunky?! I laughed out loud (or should I say, LOL'ed) while immediately hitting the "print screen" button on my keyboard.

What a fucking newb.